I was stuck.
I knew that I was stuck. I knew that I didn’t want to be. But I couldn’t figure out how to get unstuck.
I knew I wanted things to be different. I wanted to feel motivated. I wanted to feel electric.
And for all my wanting, I was still stuck.
I began looking within and there was this voice.
This clear voice of my Self. Of my guides. Of my Soul. This clear voice that told me I needed to look at what I refused to see.
I set the intention to see and waited.
At night I dreamt of moments where I was out of my integrity. Moments where lies wove into my being.
I tossed and turned, trying to look but not wanting to see.
And that that voice. The clear one...it reminded me of a moment. A few moments actually. One, in particular...A flash of a time from years ago where I decided that I was going to have an amazing human experience. And anything else be damned.
Except that there was a part of me that didn’t want a human experience. A part that was not so keen on all the work. A part that struggled with the struggle of it all.
It wasn’t that she wanted to be gone, but she didn’t want to be here either.
I had chosen to ignore her. I pushed that part of me far away because it wasn’t part of my current aesthetic. It wasn’t part of who I wanted to be. It was wrong and bad and not what I preached. So I didn’t look at it. I tried to forget it.
But it roared. And it wrapped itself around me. Tethering me to stuckness. Because I refused to look, I couldn’t see what was really going on.
Until, of course, I was willing to open my eyes and see this part of me that I had been unwilling to acknowledge.
The shame. The fear. The sadness. The anger.
All there. All there. All there.
So was this part. And I could I could see it. Finally. I could acknowledge this part and let it be.
It was not all of me, just a part of me. In that seeing, in that acknowledgement, the stuckness began to shift. I could finally see what was in the way.
And that is where the work began in earnest. The I usually do with clients, I did on my Self. I moved Root to Core to Crown. I healed the past lives that anchored in this experience. I cleared pathways. I stepped out of the haze.
I didn’t run from the part that didn’t want to be here. I loved it. As it was...all of what it was.
I stepped deeper, deeper and deeper still into the human experience. Into the brilliance and majesty and pain and everything that it is. Because I could see. I could know. I could be and become more of who I have always been.
Stuckness often lives in the spaces we are not yet willing to see. Not able to see.
But when we are willing to see. When we are able. When we do...When we stop running and admit the truth we rather keep hidden. The stuckness rolls back and our Self calls us forward.
This is the work. This the work of The Human Experience. We are called to see our Selves. Shed our stories. And root deeply into our Truth. We are invited to become who we are and have always been.
Where are you stuck? What might you be unwilling to see?