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I used to ask clients what they wanted. What they desired. I wanted to hear their dreams.
I don't ask any more. I don't ask because so very often what we want. What we invest in. What we wishhopepray for is not what we want. It's what we think we should want. It's what we hope will make us worthy. Lovable. Whole. It's what we think will stop the pain. I used to ask clients what they wanted and they would tell me. We would work towards it until they hit the same walls they always hit. Except this time we would do the work. We would journey to their depths. We would live in the stories they were told. We would love the pain that rose up. When we were done, things were different. What they wanted was different. And creating it wasn't a problem, because the destruction of what kept them from their Truth. Their Knowing. Their Self...it was well under way. My work is no longer about what we want. My work is the unravelling. My work is the destruction. My work is about clearing away whatever is in the way. So that creation can happen based on what we actually desire, not what we think is going to save us. When I want something…when I am aching for it.
When I feel like I will do whatever it takes to make it happen...I ask my Self a few questions: What will having or experiencing this thing give me? What will it make me? Who will I be when it is mine? Because if I can answer those questions clearly, I can see my why. And I can stop my Self from doing something because I think it will make me worthy. Better than. Lovable. Whatever. That fancy toy won't make me better. Because losing weight isn't going to make me worthy. That new, shiny business thing won't make me good. Asking those questions gets me out of the game of trying to prove my worth. I can look at what is really going on. I can see that some part within my Self is hurting. That some part forgot who they are. That some part within needs me. All of me. To show up. Not to fix them, but to love them. Right as they are. In pain and in pieces. And there are plenty of times when I answer those questions and I can clearly know that the desire is MINE. It serves me and my life...and does not try to get me to prove my worth, then I move forward. I create. I do so rooted into and nourished by a clear desire rather than a bullshit belief that I am inherently not enough. |
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